Sunday, April 15, 2012

Reflections on the sun deck.

I'm schizophrenic! Over the last couple of months, there has been an ongoing conflict, mostly in my heart. One voice is telling me "You're doing the right thing" while the other can't stop shouting "You're stupid, you're stupid, you're stupid!"

I never seem to know who wins, really. Because they never stop screaming.

However, Friday afternoon, after a day that just disappeared into the organizing of the future, I joined my roommate up on our sun deck and we started reflecting over the past nine months. The outcome of our contemplations were a little bit like the battle inside my heart.

What have we done? Has time been moving fast or slowly? Are we the same people we were a year ago or have we dramatically changed? On the one hand, I feel like a totally different person, with so much new luggage in my backpack, but on the other – how much can a person change? And how much is ten months for someone who has been doing the same race for 25 years?

None of the questions above have a complete answer. But what I do know, is that whatever battles are being fought, I can still always seen the sun shining somewhere. For instance, up on that sun deck, an ordinary Friday afternoon. With the Pentagon on one side and the US Capitol on the other. And a new found friend, whom I never would have met, had I not taken that crazy decision to move here a year ago.

Situations do not come to and end. Situations simply change every now and then. I doesn't necessarily mean bad. And it doesn't necessarily mean a definite end. So maybe I am a bit stupid, but what I do will still never be the wrong thing.

The Pentagon.

The Capitol.


  1. Ja det luktade landet :)

    Det såg härligt ut där på solterrassen! Och jag känner ungefär samma som du. jag tror man blir lite scitzofren som utlandssvensk. man vet liksom aldrig hur man ska göra och om det är rätt eller fel. Men alla val formar en till den man är, så får man tänka.

    1. Ja, lite knäpp blir man att vara en del av två kulturer. Men i slutet av dagen är det ändå en lyx, då man har möjligheten att plocka godbitarna ur de olika kakorna och forma sina värderingar och sin livsstil till den bästa möjliga :)